kingloser

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 04:25:28 GMT

Whatever you do, don't tell anyone.

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:01:14 GMT

This journal is now done.

I am back on zipxavier.

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 06:38:43 GMT

Went to work...tried my hardest to act alright, and worked for the most part...Went to tag software in the back and cried in peace, then heard that some called and Joe was telling me to quiet down, and I didn't know what i was about....apparently Brian my co worker, his stepdad has had cancer for a while and the doctor said today might be his last day, and I just flashed back to when I heard the same type of news, and I have it better off than I may feel right now...

It'll just take time.

Lisa invited me to a Weezer concert in May, and I liked them in the past so I'll give them another chance.

We got the PSP today.

Carb Diet, day 5, continuing. Haven't eaten much, it's working I guess.

I don't care how gay this sounds, I wish my mother got the treatment she gives to me from everyone. She came to me after work just to check on me, even though it was out of her way.

I need to look farther out than I can see.

I need to stop hiding behind my personal possessions and look at myself for who I really am, and why I need to change.

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 16:02:35 GMT

This is going to be one of the hardest things to have to get through, and I have no choice but to try and keep my head up...

It's so hard...

I just hope that something will just take all of this pain away, and get rid of the memory of it...because this feels worse than anything.

I think I'm going to take some time alone starting tomorrow.

I need to stop feeling so fucking sorry for myself.

If I was to say I was fine, I would be even more of a liar than I already am

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 06:19:50 GMT

I feel terrible, about everything, still. And I'm not gonna lie and say that everything's been great this week.

I think of everything, everything that happened and why it did. And for the most part, it was my fault. I have this inability to tell people things that will hurt their feelings even if it's a lie...and that's what made the whole relationship turn to shit. I was a liar, and I hated myself for it... Natalie, I don't even know if you'll read this, but I want the old dennis back too. He had the same sense of humor, the same laugh, the same smile, but he knew how to care and how to understand feelings.

I don't know what happened to me, but I can't take it anymore...everything I touch, just fucking breaks in front of me. I just can't hold onto something and cherish it.

That entire post I made before, was the jist of things...but not how I felt. I just fucking burst out crying today and my mom called to just check on me and I couldn't talk...she just wanted to pick me up because she didn't trust me driving.

For my damn entire life, I take everything I have for granted. And I never realize what I have until it's gone...

I don't mind that you laughed at my comment, I know it probably sounded ridiculous...but believe me when I say that I don't condone any of my friends saying ANYTHING to you, I told them not to, and to leave it be, you don't deserve their harassment and your friends have been considerate enough to not do it as well. I'm sorry for them.

The reason I blocked you is because I know I'll read your profile and feel bad, I know it...and it just hurts thinking you said I was the only thing that could make you happy and I knew it wasn't true, but to be proven so easily just hurt. I love my friends, but it's just not right without you there to me. And that's something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life.

And Natalie, I don't care what you hear from my friends, but I fucked this relationship up more than anything. If I had not done the things I had, it would have been like january and february still, but I broke your trust and heart too many times to even be looked at.

I will never say a bad word about you, because I have just realized that it's me that has caused this, and all of this is my punishment.

I really did love you, and always will.

I'm sorry.

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 04:26:05 GMT

Well, these past few days have been pretty crazy. I don't even know where to start. I've been seeing a lot of people that I've been away from for a while and it feels good to be back. I start working back at Circuit City later this week, and I have to tell OfficeMax the situation.

Alfonso and Jesse and me were out for a while on Wednesday I think...we just hung out and drove around, just reminiscing of old times.

Went to the Palisades with them and that mall is so incredible, a fucking ice rink built in? Wtf? So good though. That mall literally had everything, and it was just fun walking around finding stores we've never heard of and stuff, heh.

So then the next day, me, tedesch, jesse, frank, alfonso and michael went to danbury and Alfonso is just so suave with the girls, hah. He almost got the girl's phone number from Spencers, I bet he could have, heh. They had some shit like "danbury idol" or something, and the mall was crowded as all hell by then so we left and I dunno, just fun times

Last night was fucking insane, me and alfonso first went to circuit city and I saw kristen and allison, and we just talked for a while. Kristen got sunburned so bad, her face felt like a mask, hah. But I should be back there as soon as my application goes through. after that, went to get frank, but he was sick, jesse was tired, so I thought what about jordan? And we went there, met his girlfriend and we all went to detonate some M80s, just for shits, I dunno...then we just drove around getting lost and donuts and Alfonso took a picture of this random girl saying it was for a magazine, so funny.

Then me and jordan were left and we went to Madison's house, and I met some people and got a little to drink...and this girl was just in the bathroom puking and yelling at us to keep it down, haha. Can't beat that, then I crashed at Jordan's house and went to work today.

After work I went to Circuit City, met up with Selca, talked to him for a while and went to a customers house to install their home theater, got $60 and then me, alfonso, selca, craig, jay, michael, and tedeschi went to Rolling Rock and just had a fucking blast there for like 2 hours. We were joking, and having Craig coach michael to call this girl, it was hilarious, he's the man

Good times

This thorn in my side, is from the tree I planted, oh it tears me and I bleed...

<3

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 01:09:14 GMT

01. who are you, what's our relationship:
02. how and where did we meet:
03. what's my middle name:
04. how long have you known me:
05. tell me one good thing about myself:
06. when you first saw me what was your impression:
07. my age:
08. birthday:
09. my favorite band at the moment:
10. colour eyes:
11. do i have any siblings:
12. have you ever had a crush on me:
13. what's one of my favorite things to do:
14. do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:
15. describe me in 3 words:
16. name 5 things i love:
17. do you think i'm good looking:
18. how would you describe me to someone:
19. would you ever date me:
20. tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did:
21: what do you like most about me:
22: if we could spend a day together what would we do:
23: have we ever gotten in a fight:
24: do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years:
25. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
26. What do you think my weakness is?
27. Do you think I'll get married?
28. What makes me happy?
29. What makes me sad?
30. What reminds you of me?
31. If you could give me anything what would it be?
32. When's the last time you saw me?
33. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
34. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
35. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
36. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
37. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
38. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
39. Would you make a move on me?
40. Do I cross your mind at least 1 time a day?

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 02:47:34 GMT

"You are a dream friend! However, because of your super hero "complex" you may appear distant to the ones you love! You are mysterious!"
You are Clark!

Which Smallville Character Are You?
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Thu, 21 Oct 2004 16:47:15 GMT

Your... Clark Kent!!....though you have good
intentions you need to sort out your schedule
for a change

Which Smallville character are you?
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